It Takes a Village ~ So Circle Up! radical kinship in dark times

I'm taking a slow deep breath, and then another, and I'm diving in. Times are hard and dark and the future is murky and uncertain in ways that are unprecedented in human experience. Or at least in mine. Our collective capacity to harm each other and the earth, beyond repair, has never been greater. Our collective capacity for wise action has perhaps never been more challenged. And none of this is an overreaction to the current environmental, social, and political predicaments. Bombs are flying, drones carry terror. Uniformed pawns following orders are pushing remote buttons that rain harm on people whose cries they never hear, then patting themselves on the back. And as utterly wrong as this is we will also need to plan for their moral repair, if we get to be around for that sort of healing.

And meanwhile, out my window the bare twiggy branches on the high bush blueberry respond to the longer days of March by turning a bright red-orange. Spring is coming because the earth continues to spin. How is it that the color of new life in this strange year is also a color of warning?

Its not that I'm not coping well, its that there is so very much to cope with. As I was waking up this morning and the slow roll of reality slithered into my consciousness, I pulled the covers over my head and said, 'fuck no'. Which is kinda unusual because, as every therapist I've worked with has reflected, coping (with genuine equanimity) is my super power. I am not a person who looks at the day and says 'fuck no'! I am a person who groans and says, ok - what's the first step? That first step may take some imagination, but I rally! Today, I wasn't feeling it. I just could not imagine being able to bear another morning of discovering which terror got intentionally rained down on fellow humans during the night. I just cannot bear that Americans allowed the Department of Defense to become the Department of War.

To be fair, even without the hounds of hell raging, the ravages of climate disruption, and my worries about mass extinction... my work is death all day. I'm an end-of-life navigator so my clients, also, are on their way out. My 95 year old mom is fading, we talk about the when of hospice. My workshop offerings this Spring are all about preparing for dementia, which one way or another will effect the lives of all of my peers and all of our families.

To be fair, I am calibrated to walk through the valley of the shadow of death and emerge carrying a bouquet of wildflowers and scattering seeds for new life. But this morning I pulled the covers over my head and said aloud, fuck no! Sensing my distress the dog reached out a paw to let me know she was there. My ever steady friend.

I have to wonder, is there a limit to it being OK not to be OK? What is the threshold where not being ok becomes unbearable? This morning fuck no felt impenetrable, non negotiable, a sort of sailors take warning vibe I had to heed. I could not slide back into sleep so I tried to 'be with' nothing being ok. Mighty mindful of me but not too helpful, still not ok enough to peel myself out of bed.

And then, breathing into it all, I bumped into a surprise. There is a new me being calibrated. I'm not ripe yet so I can't say how I'm going to land in being a person with the capacity to cope with what is happening. At some point I am hoping the part of me that has her feet firmly planted in denial will let that tired husk deflate and float off so that the new me, the one with eyes wide to whats real and heart open to justice, will be able to hit the deck running and rise to the occasion (slinging cliches willy nilly).

And to be fair, and honest, and as welcome as all that hoopla would be, I did get out of bed today but I am still very much boundaried by that firm fuck no.

This new me I'm counting on is still goo in the metaphorical cocoon but what I sense happening, quickening - even awash in the fuck no of it all - is a personal remedy. Because I do not consent to the madness happening in my country, nor to what my country's leadership is causing to happen in the world. The 'basket of deplorables' is running the patriarchy's most ambitious extractive global grift. A year into the Puppet's second term and America is only beginning to understand there is no going back. I won't waste words here describing whats coming apart at the seams, but anyone reading this should assume its already worse than we know and the consequences will be more severe than we anticipate. Whats a pragmatic optimist to do?

I've been reaching around in my cocoon of goo trying to grab hold of the redemptive lift that may be familiar to anyone who follows my writing. And for months I've been at a loss for words. What I see and what I can't see stymies me. If I can't see a light at the end of the tunnel where am I supposed to aim my craft? I'm no fool, I know I can't personally rewrite the future.

And I'm the biggest fool, messing around in the goo til I settle into some new Way that is not limited to fuck no. Because from the heart of my despair over humanity's folly the only viable option is to bless the space between us with the possibility of genuine connection and radical kinship. Surely the remedy is to sustain community and plant seeds so that, even in this manufactured storm of intended harms and madness, neighbors reliably show up for one another with helping hands and sustenance.

And for me, in the midst of the isolation of fuck no, what does showing up actually mean? What is required of me to brew up this remedy, ferment its possibility, and then spill its essence into the stream of life? It takes not doing it alone!

I know, I know! its the biggest cliche of all, but for real, IT TAKES A VILLAGE! It takes not waiting for 'someone' to fix all this. And to be fair, I think waiting for that ephemeral someone else is a critical impediment to our survival. This is an urgent collective course correction that we have to make. Because Them is Us, and always has been! And there isn't time to wait because the 'fork in the road' is NOW!

And right around this intersection in my thinking I pull the covers over my head again, because fuck no! I didn't plan for my life to be such a struggle with the dark reality these evil motherfuckers are so vigorously constructing. And its super hard to come home from a workday walking with death when I can't retreat into the gentle arms of a peaceful world for solace and repair. And... when hasn't it been this struggle, kiddo? When has the patriarchy NOT been kicking my ass? I've got a life time of experience, sheltering inner light to counter the dark, fermenting possibility and spilling it into the stream of life.

I wish I was inventing this dire picture of the human condition in March of 2026, but disbelief is also a trap that my withering denial-body is letting go of. Here's the thing that I've learned about the village and caring for one another. As soon as one person says 'lets do' other people will say ok. And don't ever roll your eyes at the old yarn that many hands make light work, because its a reminder we should especially take to heart when dark clouds hang low and Powers That Be threaten our health, shelter, and livelihood. We are not alone in being afraid of and angry about how things are. And we are not alone in wanting to make things better. We are not alone in feeling hopeless because the problems are too big. And when we get together with people who also want to repair what it is possible to repair, then good things happen. We feel encouraged, even in the dark.

Here's my best advice: Don't wait and start small. Start close to home. Start with one doable improvement or connection or action you don't have to think too hard about. Do something without waiting for permission, even if it feels futile in the face of our fragility. And if you have the courage to, then let your small thing be visible, make it accessible, and invite others to do the small thing with you. Then right there, right then, you have the beginning of a care circle. You have opted in, you are not alone, and neither are the people you opened the door for.

We don't have to limit ourselves to resisting ICE to make a difference and build community. Our villages don't need partisan purpose, 'nonpolitical' resistance includes fostering care practices in the community that disrupt the regime's plan to divide us. Care circles that have impressed me recently include the women in Minnesota feeding neighbors and getting kids to and from school for immigrant parents who can't leave their homes. The women in rural Massachusetts stocking up on whistles, taking it upon themselves to be ready when that shit lands here. And all the neighbors across America who count themselves in to push back against concentration camps. To be honest, I was most cheered up by folks who came equipped with a plethora of dildos to toss at the the government thugs, an action of resistance that resonates so gleefully with my own fuck no!

One of the things I'm learning in the goo is that the part of me that is saying fuck no! is a voice of my core self and a friend. I am learning that instead of pulling the covers over my head, fuck no! can be a call to action. Today, I will bless the space between us with my certainty that life is beautiful, even here in the dark mess of America's decline. It is natural to pull away from one another when existing is as scary as its likely to become. And, the reason the dark never ever wins, is because people stay connected, even when its hard, even when its dangerous, even when it hurts. Resist any voice that preaches exceptionalism and isolation! It actually does take a village for us to survive. Connecting with each other is the magic sauce. And you don't have to let go of fuck no! to embrace the actions of radical kinship in dark times. Its pretty simple: sharing skills, resources, information, and kindness is how we win. So circle up!

A friend sent me this video while I was writing this.

Reasons to Be Cheerful!

Good medicine for the heart, give a listen! Resist!

Ian Dury and The Blockheads – Reasons To Be Cheerful, Pt. 3

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CIMNXogXnvE